Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize