things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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