My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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