Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
