he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
