The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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