I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
