Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My liver just had a heart attack.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
