I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
