I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize