Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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