After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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