I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
