hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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