I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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