I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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