I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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