My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Enjoy the penises
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
