I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
