Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
