Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
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I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
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i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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