I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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