there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
