My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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