i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm having to shit out rocks
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
