Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
