How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
