I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
4 words: hood of his car
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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