Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
