woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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