i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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