Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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