When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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