the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize