I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
