i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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