Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Buhtt sex?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
