You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
