the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
