So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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