And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
