I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
