Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
