laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
