Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
