If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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