Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
