It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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