you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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