3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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