I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
