insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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