i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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