I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
