my phone needs a breathalizer
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize