all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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