Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
