If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
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Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
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Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize