no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
